


unsteady

by joshduninathong



Category: Fall Out Boy, Halsey (Musician), Melanie Martinez (Musician), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Phandom, Twenty One Pilots, dan and phil
Genre: Abuse, Alcoholism, Bryllon, Bully, Bullying, Depression, F/F, F/M, Frerard, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Music, Peterick, Petericky, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Singing, Suicidal Thoughts, brallon, joshler - Freeform, petekey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-01 01:11:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11475465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshduninathong/pseuds/joshduninathong
Summary: d o n tl e tt h e mt a k ey o u





	1. o n e

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my ass](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+ass).



Tyler Joseph.

That's my name, or at least, that's what I'm called.

But someone else is also called by that name.

And it bothers me, I'm just.. not unique, not interesting. There's millions of people with Tyler as their name, at least one has to be Tyler Joseph. And that's me, but someone else might also share that quality, that luxury of having a name, Tyler joseph, to call theirs. And it bothers me.

I grew up in a normal, relatively quiet house, on Blurryface AVE, house 2143. But that's all changed, now. We moved when I was thirteen years old, and moved again this summer. I Was seventeen then. Old enough to be the dancing queen, haha. Or better yet- the dancing queer. Anyways, it was the first day starting senior year, at a school i'd never been to, in a town I never knew. Life was just.... greaaaaaat.

But that's not where the story truly started.

"its worth a shot."

that. that is where it began.


	2. t w o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bop bop bop tøp gotta stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> orgasms.

School. School was a thing that was forced upon every child at a young age. No one liked school. Not even the teachers, for that matter. Me? I absolutely dreaded school. Wake up early, go to hell for six hours. Go home. Rinse and repeat. Until the glorious Friday came.

The clocking ticking down the final moments till the bell freed us from our prison. Most kids were free and happy for the whole two days. But for me, my family would leave every Sunday for church, then to a family friends house, leaving me alone. It's fine for most of the time, but then the wages of war will start, inside my head with my counterpart. Worst thing is, they don't even know I'm like this. So oblivious to the earth around them.

\---

I lifted my feet on the grey stone steps in front of the pris- school, sighing heavily. "Why does it have to be monday?" I wasn't worried about being late, I had about half an hour to figure out everything. after about five minutes of searching through the endless halls of the school for the office, I gave up, and looked around for someone. The only people I could find were two people practically sucking eachother faces off. But then someone else came in. A scary looking punk dude with flaming red hair. Although, he was more cute than scary. I sighed, and started walking towards him to ask for help. "Its worth a shot." He noticed me approaching him and gave an awkward smile. "I- uhm- uh- I- would you help m-me find th-the offi-ce?" great job tyler, start off the year with a good stutter. "uh.. sure, you're new, right? I'm Josh." The strange man named Josh patted my back a little. " I'm Tyler." Josh smiled at me. "That's a nice name, Tyler suits you." I blushed, not used to being complimented. We rounded a corner and approached a door which had OFFICE in big, black, bold letters. "We have arrived at your destination, my good man." Josh said in a now British accent. "Why thank you sir." I said in an equal stupid accent. "You seem cool, though, tyler. Maybe you should sit with me and my friends at lunch." I smiled and said "sure" though, I was dying inside because I had to meet others. "Well, see ya!" He said as he walked off in a new direction. I pushed open the door to the office, smiling to myself.

\---

"Wow josh, making new friends already? It's literally the first day." Brendon said to me as I brought Tyler to our table. "Don't be rude. This is Tyler, a person that try to mercilessly force me to show him to the office." I exaggerated. "Yup, me, a smol child, forced this fricking giant to come with me." Everyone around us laughed. "Heh... I ship it." Melanie whispered to her girlfriend, halsey. "I heard that, mel. And speaking of mel, I need to introduce people." I looked at Tyler, who gave me a "duh" look. "Uh- well this forehead freak is brendon, the giant, the ACTUAL giant, is dallon, the emo in between them is Ryan. The girl with the split hair is melanie. That's her girlfriend halsey. Uh.. the emo dude right there, pete, his boyfriend is patrick, and then the sass queen is gerard and that's his brother mikey and boyfriend frank. That all?" People nodded and waved and said hello to tyler, who awkwardly waved. "I-I like your hair, melanie.." tyler mumbled after a few minutes. "Aw, thank you, tyler! I was worried it was weird and you would hate it and-" halsey cut her off from speaking as stuff like that would end up in her crying.

\---

I had class with Pete and Patrick, so I walked with them once the bell rang. "So... Tyler.... you're in music next period? What do you do?" Patrick asked, eyes scanning every last detail of my schedule. I gulped. The things I played were considered to be somewhat 'girly'. "P-piano and ukulele.." I mumbled. "Oh, cool! Hey, I have music with you too, I'm a singer!" Pete rolled his eyes and laughed. "And if you look right here, you'll see two smol beans bonding over music. Woo." He said, sarcasm hinting in his voice. "I'm not a bean!" Patrick shouted, earning the three weird stares from kids in the hall. The stares made Tyler uncomfortable, but it didn't seem to bother the others, so he stayed quiet, and silence gives you space.


	3. t h r e e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bop bop bop tøp gotta stop

Fourth period passed by rather quickly, it wasn't interesting, but it wasn't boring. It was math. Me and Tyler walked down the hall together, making small talk as we went. Along the way, we ran into josh, also heading to the music room. He walked along with us, Tyler now not talking but listening intently to the conversation we were now having. "Ok but like, if a dolphin breaths air through the hole in its back, how does it snort cocaine?" Josh asked. Tyler stared at him for a little while before speaking. "Well, they don't have noses, and the only thing close to a nose is that blowhole so they'd have to be on its back for the dolphin to snort cocaine." Me and Josh both nodded in amazement at how much he knew about dolphins doing drugs. as we stepped into the room, all eyes went on us. I guess people found it interesting finally getting a new kid, as everyone in the small town has practically been here since birth. tyler uncomfortably shifted his feet while we stood. "c-can we sit in the back?" me and josh nodded, following him through the chairs. "alright, class." the teacher said, clasping her hands together. "i really don't want to be that teacher that gives you homework the first day, but I just want to say that in about two weeks, a project will be due, the project, you'll be assigned with one classmate to create and preform a song, but there has to be at least one instrument. I'll just tell you the pairs right now so that you aren't Russian to do it." the entire class shared a groan. "i know, I know, I'm sorry. but okay, first off, Jayden Mitchell and Ally grey, Marina Diamandis and Patrick Stump, Joshua Dun and Tyler Joseph, Uma Thurman, and Ashley Ramirez, And finally, Taylor Swift and Jake Grey. Ok? you can use the rest of the class period to talk and arrange what you're gonna do."

Tyler looked around, realizing how small the class was. "so... I don't sing... do you?" josh awkwardly said to tyler. "uh... a little..?" josh smiled. "can you come over to my house after school today and work on the project with me?" Tyler smiled and nodded. "I'd love to." josh smiled back at him. "meet me at the door after school?"  
"ok"

Tyler stared up the tree in front of josh's house. "i wanna climb your tree, jish." josh looked at him. "jish?" "jish." tyler confirmed. "...maybe jish can be our always." tyler punched him lightly. "no. now if you'll excuse me, I will climb this tree." josh watched in amazement as the younger man climbed the tree swiftly. "what the fuck?" he looked up. that tree was like fifty feet up. "language!" Josh laughed. "I do not give a shit." Tyler rolled his eyes and shouted. "I'm gonna jump down!" Josh shook his head in fear as he watched the boy fall from the tree. Tyler quickly stood up, wiping his hands on his pants. "Now, shall we go in?" josh nodded and opened the door to find his mom and dad talking. "and I just don't know what we'll do with the whole cat-run-ov- oh hi, josh! we were just... talking about...politics. I see you've brought a new friend! how fun!" hid mother cheerfully said. tyler's palms began to sweat. he hated meeting people. "yep, this is tyler just met 'im . we hafta' work on a project together. we'll be in the basement if you need us." josh began to walk towards the stairs leading to the basement, with tyler in tow. In the basement, a drumkit, a piano and, a guitar were all in the room. tyler walked to the piano, pressing the all too familiar g note. the starting of welcome to the black parade. he knew the song from patrick, who had shown him a video in fourth period of Gerard and his band performing. "the- the... G note.... that is SIN!" josh yelled. tyler laughed as he sat down on the cold piano seat. "so.. what should the song be about?" tyler said as he pulled a journal out of his backpack. "hm... uh.." he paused to think. "d'you have any ideas?" tyler nodded. "u-uh..." he stuttered, looking through his book. "you know the feeling when you- when you promised you wouldn't do something again to someone important to you but then all of a sudden life falls apart and you cant do anything about it except-except lie. lie and say you're fine but you really aren't and you just- you just stay quiet due to fear you'll disappoint that person?" josh stared at tyler as he desperately tried to find words. "I- I-tha-that's perfect, tyler!" tyler sighed. "thanks." he said, coldly. "i should get going home, dinner should be ready soon." he lied. dinner never was ready when he got home. he never even ate dinner, for that matter. josh shot him a confused look as tyler began to walk to his house. "see you at school, josh..." tyler whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sapnu puas


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> forgive me im trying my best im trying my best im trying my best im trying my best im trying my best im trying my best im trying my best im

Josh paced back and forth through the living room, trying to figure out why Tyler got so upset all of a sudden. "Well, what happened down there?" His mom asked as she came downstairs to make dinner. "I-i don't know, momma. We were coming up with ideas for songs and I said that one of his ideas was perfect and he got upset." Momma Dun, as Josh called her, raised an eyebrow. "What was the idea?" Josh paused for a moment, trying to think. "He said something like when you promise a certain person thats important to you that you won't do a certain thing but then you do it and you have to lie and pretend that you didn't and stay quiet due to fear you'll be hurt.." Josh began to slowly realize his error. Tyler poured his heart out into an idea and Josh pushed his emotions aside and only said that it'd be good for a grade. "Welp. I'll fix this tomorrow." Josh mumbled, going to play his drums. Except, when he got down to the basement, there was a journal. Tyler's journal. "Holy crap." He whispered ,so his parents wouldn't hear, and sat down on the piano stool. "Should I look through it?" he asked himself. "yes." He respond to, again, himself. The first page had many words on it, some scribbled and scratched out. At the top, TRAPDOOR was written in big, bold letters.

T R A P D O O R

He wakes up early today  
Throws on a mask that will alter his face  
Nobody knows his real name  
But now he just uses one he saw on a grave  
He pretends he's OK,  
But you should see  
Him in bed late at night,  
He's petrified  
Take me out and finish this waste of a life  
Everyone gather around for a show-

Josh let put a breath he didn't realize he was keeping in. "Holy shit." He sat next to the wall, realizing how much he could've hurt his new friend. "Shit. Shit shit shit shit." He placed his head into his hands. He had dealt with this type of stuff before.

"oh, little johnny boy, so stupid." Josh said, a smirk gracing his lips. The boy on the ground, Johnny, had just been exposed for cutting. "Stupid." He spat. The boy had a look of fear in his eyes. "Now, go. Before I change my mind." The boy took that chance and sprinted away. That's the last anyone ever saw him... alive. He killed himself. All josh's fault. And from that day, he promised to never hurt a person again.

"shit."

He broke the promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help help


	5. f i v e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eminem is lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self - harm mention btw

Metal

Grey

Silver

Shining

Metal.

Metal blades,

Metal razor blades.

Pale skin,

Frail wrists

Chaos ensues when the two hit.

Blood

Tears.

Mixing into one.

It's hard to tell the difference

between blood

and

water these days.

Bandages.

beige

boring

blatant

bold

bulky

Bandages.

Bruises

Scars

Burns

Stains

Marks

Patches

Skin

Sin.

Blurryface

Disgrace

Human race

Slowly fading

Getting dizzy

It's all fuzzy

Swirling whirling

Around and around

Blood splashes

From the gashes

Roller coasters 

Loops

Whirls

Spins

Twirls

Earthquakes

Tornadoes

Fuzz

Everything is slowly fading

Falling over

Battle won

Battle lost

Three

Fourth

Tumble

Noise

Crash

Screams

Water

Paper towels

Towels

Red

Floor

 

 

EVERYTHING

IS

B L U R R Y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx bye


	6. s i x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> depressing shit  
> my take on panic! attacks  
> josh might be ga y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a hole in our logic   
> theres a hole in the sky  
> and one day just like magic  
> we're all going to die   
> cause we didn't turn the lights off  
> and we didn't take the bus  
> even though we know we should have   
> how silly of us

No one noticed. No one cared. No were you okay? I heard a thud from your room. No, nothing but a cold shoulder. His arms stung. His legs were sore. His head hurt. His body was stained with bruises. Blood soaked through his clothes. He tossed those out. New day. Friday. He was ready for Saturday. Sunday was not a happy thing to look forward to. A smile graced his lips. But he was not happy. He was far from happy.

 

School. No one noticed his sadness at school. No one cared, for that matter. Or as he thought. Josh cared. Josh saw the tears that wanted to fall so badly. "You okay, ty?" He whispered after school. "I-I lost my j-journal and i-i just do-nt kn-ow wh-where I lost it." Tyler mumbled, keeping out the details of his incident last night. It's amazing, really, how fast people can become best friends, like yesterday they didn't even talk, but now Tyler's practically crying on josh. "I can help you find it, maybe it was left in a classroom?" Josh asked, fully aware of where it was. Tyler nodded, drying his tears. "Thank you."

"Got any siblings?" Josh asked as they walked to Tyler's first period. Tyler nodded. "Two b-brothers and a sister." Josh laughed. "Lucky, I have two sisters and a brother. Twice the drama." They both laughed. "Good thing they can't hear us." Tyler sighed. "Yeah.."

"Not there?" Josh asked as Tyler walked out of the classroom. "no.. hey, i-uhm... I need to go to the bathroom, mind waiting outside?" Josh nodded, realizing that his second period was right by the bathrooms. "thanks." When Tyler entered the bathroom, Josh quickly slipped the journal into the lost and found ourside of it.  He nearly took it back out, due to the fact he wanted to talk more. Tyler confused josh. but in a good way. he liked tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment! maybe some kudos?  
> thx guys ily


	7. s e v e n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i won't take much of your time...  
> i just want you to see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave some kudos, or a comment! id appreciate it greatly.

"i really need to find my journal.." Tyler mumbled. Last time he was late coming home from school, his dad got angry, really angry. He was always angry at tyler, ever since Tyler came out as gay to his dad, hoping he'd accept him. No one else knew. "I need to g-get home.." He whispered, getting even more nervous. "why do you need to get home so badly?" Josh asked him, a look of concern creeping across his face. "m-my dad might-" he leaned against the wall, breathing faster. Josh panicked. "wh-what is he gonna do?" tyler felt nauseous. "h-he migh-t h-hurt m-me o-or my m-mom again-n.." he mumbled. josh quickly pulled him into a hug, knowing what abuse was like. "how about we go look in your second period for the journal?" josh suggested. tyler wiped his eyes, though no one was ever in the school after hours. "j-josh! I f-found it!" tyler said as he looked in the lost and found box. josh felt guilty for keeping the journal as long as he did. "i can drive you home.." josh suggested. "make sure you don't get hurt?" tyler took a moment to think before looking at josh. "you really don't have to, I mean, its my fault I lost the journal so I should at least take the beating for that." Tyler felt his hand being taken by a much larger one, looking up to see josh. He felt a new feeling sprouting in his stomach, love. "I'll drive you home."

"Why were you late? Was that your boyfriend who dropped you off?" Tyler's dad growled as he stepped through the front door. "i left something in a classroom, and no he's just a friend." Tyler said tiredly. He didn't want to put up with this today. "So fucking stupid.. can't even remember your own things.. what was it that you left?" He got closer to tyler. "m-my journa-l.." Tyler mumbled. "Your little fuckin' diary? pussy boy.." He slapped Tyler across the face, a blow sure to leave a mark. "go on, now! no dinner for a faggot like you!" Tyler ran up the stairs, tears falling freely now. He walked to his window and saw Josh standing by a tree, looking at his house. He slowly started approaching the house and waved at Tyler from the ground. Tyler waved back unenthusiastically. Confused, Josh grabbed a ladder from behind the house and began climbing to the window. "I can show you the world." He whispered, stretching his hand out." Tyler giggled. "let me grab my stuff."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE SAVE SAAAAAAAVE


End file.
